So.. Number 2 on my list of annoyances in videogames (in no particular order). Superfluous Press whichever Button! This actually stopped me from playing through the greatest videogame in the history of man kind (in fact, the history of the universe, judging by it's diciples); Metal Gear Solid 2. The number of keypresses required just to be able to move an arthritis-ridden, stooping, smoking old geezer around the screen proved too much for me. I did not even finish the first level. It went straight to Gamestop, where I could at least recuperate some of my money. So much the better that the gamestudios never see a dime of that extra value generated from the second hand market. It is my one and only way of letting them know that I do not appreciate them wasting my time. By the way, MGS2 is by no means the only one, it just happends to be the worst one I've experienced so far. The post isn't about MGS2 in particular, but about consolegames in general.
First, there's just about 600.000 logos, pictures og god knows what, god knows why, and videos. This all invariably results in vigorous keypresses, on just about any key there is on the controller. I've also resorted to picking up any other controllers connected to the console in question, just in case there's a bug. To no avail, ofcourse. Who, in their right mind, thinks that I care who made the soundengine?? Or, more accurately, who thinks that I care about it so much, that I will find this information interesting, not only before I play the game for the first time, but every single time I play it?? This can not wait untill the credits roll?? This, I think, can be likened to prominently, for 15 minutes, dispaying the name of the gaffer before every movie shown. (No, I don't know what a 'gaffer' is either. But I know every movie have one.)
Then there's the "Press Start". Ok... Well, I've spent some time considering this, and I've come to the conclusion that it might be excusable, in the event that the game console has more than one controller attached. If not, NOOOOOOOOO! Get it? Just no. We, as a species, have placed people on the moon. The Cell-processor is, as far as I'm concerned, the grestest feat since the Alpha-processor, with a straight lineage to the wheel. It's a marvel. A testimony to human ingenuity. Yet, there it is, all nicely tucked into a sleek black console in my "study". (That's what my wife calls the room where she puts all of my stuff.) So don't tell me we can't make a videogame that doesn't require me to tell it that I want to play. It's on. That means I want to play it.
Well, so I've accepted the Press Start.. For now. So now what? Well, now comes, if you're lucky, the "Please select a storage device". Hm. I only have the one, so I guess I'll choose that one. What would any reasonable intelligent being guess, if pushed? There you go. Gamestudios are entirely staffed by an alien race, come to this planet in order to subdue us all into a mindless dance of pressing buttons, for no apparent reason. They, meanwhile, will probably ravage the women we ignore while in front of our consoles. Meh.. The game, by the way, needs to know which storage device to use every time it is started..
"Please select storage device" is only acceptable if there is more than one storage device! And only, only the first time the game is started. How hard can this be??
Well, that's three (or many). Time to play! Nope. First, they feel the need to inform you that this particular game has a cutting edge feature. One feature so new, so inventive, so revolutionary, that reminding you of it every time you start the game is entirely justified. Nay, required, even. Nevermind that you've logged in the better part of your toddlers life playing the game, nevermind that you've started the game far more times than you've called your mother in your entire life. No, the task they perform, and what you need to acknowledge with a keypress, is that of saving your progress. And it is of vital importance that you do not, I repeat not, under any circumstance, within the timespan of 2 ms take a dive towards your gameconsole and yank the out powercable. Good to know.
Then theres the Main Menu. Dear Lord.. I don't even know where to begin with that one. I've started games on my console literally thousands of times. I do not own thousands of games. That leads to the inevitable conclusion, again if you are a reasonable human being, that I continue where I left off far more times than I start a new game. In short, the number of keypresses from I start the console with a gamedisk in it untill I'm exploding slugs with a flamethrower should be Nil. If you insist, I can settle for one. "Do you want to continue where you left off [Yes][No]". That would be sensible. That would make me happy.
There's more keypresses. Sooo many more. But I think I've made my point. Superflous keypresses are bad.
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